Driving while Black

The days remaining sunshine casts the city in a warm glow, bouncing off side mirrors and being welcomed into windscreens. It illuminates massive advertisements housing blown up images of dainty models beaming out towards the bustling roadside and embraces sparkling silver buildings standing proud. Gleaming toffee brown Maseratis, bruised and battered Toyotas and family friendly minivans all impatiently scuttle along the packed road. Like a hectic swarm of bees the impatient cars buzz. It is rush hour in the city and the road is packed. In the distance the light switches, Green/Orange/Red. “You may not pass” it taunts and so the cars stand still.

Look – Toddlers push balmy hands against warm windows while parents snap at each other, agitated by the never-ending snake of cars pilled up in front of them. Tick-tock, tick-tock. A large man loosens his muddy green tie and attempts to wipe the thick beads off sweat trickling down his wrinkly pale white forehead, like a leaky faucet the stream of sweat continues to drip down. Drip-drop, drip-drop. To the far right a seemingly delicate blonde dabs at her pale pink lipstick, already so perfectly applied but never really perfect enough. Suddenly the final beam of light strikes and all eyes turn to the illuminated glossy jet black vehicle.

Stares. They vary. Some long and hard, so full of distaste that they burn a deep hole in his smooth charcoal skin. Some quick and afraid, eyes darting back and forward. But all the stares translate to one identical meaning, for eyes are supposed to be the window to the soul but one single glimpse into the eyes of the charcoal man all there is is judgment. “We know who you are”, the eyes taunt. “We know what you’ve done”, the eyes sneer. Like a flower left uncared for his head droops down in defeat. His shiny smile and twinkly eyes don’t compensate for what the eyes first see, this he knows but still this consumes him. Almost instantaneously the warm glow disappears, pushed aside for another day as darkness draws near. Cold. Everything feels so cold. Shaky hands grip the steering wheel while leather shoes hover above the accelerator pedal, willing and pleading for the light to stop its taunting and change. Anxious to be rid of the repulsed stares. Red/Green. Relieved, the glossy jet black vehicle sprints away. Moving faster and faster the jet black car escapes the bustling city centre, where the too bright lights and buzzing city life are all just for show. Cloaked in a veil of darkness, he is hidden.

Listen – The faint hiss off the wind rushing past the car. Like little fairies darting around, the wind weaves in and out of the billowy trees, through the grand buildings and finally back to sneer at the car. They whisper to it. Words of distaste and cruel words of judgment. Anxious once again, the jet black car hurries on, further and further into the dark night. Rubber wheels crunch on crackly leaves and spit out smooth pebbles while the engine groans, utterly exhausted by the drive home. A drive not particularly dissimilar from every other day but still just as fatiguing.

And that’s when you hear it. It’s faint but still you recognise it immediately. A sound too familiar. A sound that makes your hands tremble and your pulse quicken. A sound that seems to only ever mean one thing for you. You’ll try and slow your breathing, telling yourself that you’re doing nothing wrong. But as the blinding red and blue lights approach, like an asthmatic you will struggle for air. Swiftly the lights will swing past you, drive off into the distance and vanish. Only then will you gulp in air. Still driving your glossy jet black car will you feel an overwhelming sense of relief. Relief that the cloak of darkness has hidden you from the threatening badge and gun. Relief that your hands aren’t imprisoned in cuffs and that your body isn’t shoved up against the side of your car. Relief that your sticky sweet blood isn’t splattered against the ragged roadside. Maybe you would have felt angry before, that for you something as simple as a drive home was so depleting. But now you just accept it. It is how it is. Driving while black.